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The travails of the ‘away game’ are well known to the readers of this column, but even by the 3rd string standards new depths were reached.  Of the 22 who had been available last week 2 were confirmed as unavailable by late on Friday evening. Hurdy and Private Walker went direct, so a strong squad of 18 was expected to assemble at Moss Lane.

Team factotums Hovvels and Williams expected latecomers as Gross Admiral H had been seeking recruits for the 2nd team raiding party to the wilds of Cumbria. H’s search for recruits had induced a state of  ‘radio silence’, players had neither confirmed or denied their availability for 3rd team duties lest it be  intercepted Enigma style by H and be taken as a sign of  wanting to travel to the land of  fells, lakes and rum butter. However, with the 2nd team departed, a new call was sent by Hovvels.  The texts came back thick and fast, ‘unavailable’, in fact 8 who started at Sefton were absent. A second round of texts was sent of the sweet imploring kind.


Whilst all this was going on the ‘management’ were also tying to trace down somebody with a key to the kit cupboard. Several abortive attempts were made to contact the northbound convoy, finally H relayed the message back, ‘ask the man in the hat wearing a red jacket’. This may all sound a little John Le Carre, but true. When Ben asked ‘what do we want him for I’ve got a key?’ It simply proved the 3rd string are not cut out to be Smiley’s People. This was further compounded when Ben approached the kit cupboard only to find it open. However, every cloud has a silver lining. The enforced wait had in fact given the management 17 players. As cajoling and misfortune in one individuals case led to PC Henry swapping a shift, Scrappy Doo delaying a ‘stag do’, Bomber Blair taping his broken hand and bringing a friend, Mrs Carlton waking up Matt and Shooter Mc Gavin who drove past to enquire ‘whether there was anybody playing at home this afternoon’ joining the trip.

Finally the game, LSH were never really at the races. There was much chopping and changing as oval rather than square pegs were used to plug the holes of the absent round pegs. Wirral dominated the early stages and the winger made several people look bad to open the scoring with a converted try. LSH then huffed and puffed, but found playing uphill against the wind tough going. This was further compounded by the excellent long range kicking of the Wirral fly half that kept LSH pinned inside there 22 for long periods. The game seemed to be heading towards half time without further score, but then LSH imploded allowing the burly Wirral centre to wreak havoc in creating 2 unconverted tries. HT Wirral 17 v 0 LSH

Hovvels attempted to steady the sinking ship via more jigging of the backline, however, this was immediately undone almost immediately after the restart. Wirral had advanced by a dubious pass to the corner, where the winger was met by heavy traffic. LSH assumed no try, the referee admitted to be unsighted. He correctly under RU laws consulted the touch judge. In this case the ‘touchie’ (antipodean) happened to be a primary aged pupil of one of the Wirral players. He was adamant, try. Even some of the LSH hardcore who are not averse to venting their spleen at anyone, railed at giving the ‘touchie’ the benefit of their opinion.

Wirral continued to dominate play, as the wind had changed direction and the fly half kicked his team around the field. LSH struggled manfully under continual pressure and held up Wirral players over the line on 3 occasions. Weight of possession finally told and Wirral again scored to take a 27 v 0 lead.

With 15 minutes to go, the LSH machine awoke to the prospect of getting a hiding and being nilled. So effort was raised and good work from Carlton, Gavin the Toothless and Henry the Elder allowed Holland to finish powerfully in the corner, Walker added a towering touchline conversion. LSH continued to press and a good lineout, followed by a rolling maul fed Henry the Elder who pushed of a couple of tacklers, straightened his line, and outpaced the full back for the try of the match, again Walker converted.

LSH continued to go forward, and as the referee signalled last play, the visitors debated kicking the ball into touch and ending the match. (Which now seems to be the fashion in high profile matches these days. I think it should be a penalty.) They chose to uphold the spirit of the game and end with a try. A move between Scrappy Doo and The Colonel at the base of the scrum enabled Walker to chip over the top, he regathered the ball and chipped the Full Back the ball unfortunately bounced the wrong way for the 2 LSH centres and into the arms of the Wirral Number 10 who strolled over unopposed, for try which his play had deserved. The match then ended.

Mentioned in dispatches this week are all 15 who strove manfully, extra praise must be given to all those who dropped other things to support club and team, but an extra special mention must go to our crime fighting duo. PC Henry had an outstanding game, his performance rallying a pack under pressure and Ste Gavin who came to watch, but played 80 minutes,  despite having  had a tooth knocked out in the first minute and collecting a shiner.

No game next week, but the 13th March is the daunting away trip to Northwich. 4 years ago LSH completed a famous win as a lower division side in a Halbro Cup match. I end with the words of Bruce Springsteen, ‘well time slips away mister and leaves with nothing mister but boring stories of glory days’.

LSH MOM MARK HENRY

By

Rollo Tomasi